Analdwelling Rebel Martians!

I have several Nigerian scam letters that were sent to my office in the 1990s; not emails, but REAL mails. As in envelopes. As in with stamps and all. I kept them because I reckoned that they’d be collector’s items one day, what with email replacing snail mail. I’ve always wondered how anybody could be dumb enough to fall for this sort of thing (yes, I know, greed + dumbness = serves you right) but this particular version takes the cake.

They just don’t get better than this:

Hello
I pray that this email reaches you in the best of health. This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. The message could be strange but it’s real and you will realise this if you pay some attention to it. I want to notify you about it at least for the sake of your integrity.

My name is Major Greg Boner Moyo, a direct and only remaining member of the wealthy Moyo family. I am an astronaut with the South African Air Force and on loan to the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA).In 2003 I left earth aboard the Mars Rover, Spirit. Seven months later I arrived on Mars. Prior to departing earth, I deposited the amount of US$ 11,600,000 (Eleven million, six hundred thousand United States dollars) in safety galvanized boxes in a African financial institution in Cotonou Benin Republic for security reason which will be disclosed to you upon your acceptance of my proposal.

Last year, during the course of my research on Mars, I was ambushed by a group of analdwelling rebel Martians who inflicted great torturous pain upon my body with anal probes. After a few weeks of enduring the physical pain, they released me. As a direct result of this cruelty, I am now very ill with a ruptured uterus that has defiled all forms of medical treatment and which has been deemed to be inoperable by my Martian surgeons. I am writing this mail to you on a laptop from my hospital bed in the Martian capitol of Zhwrong.

I now have but a few weeks to live and I am far too ill to endure the long and arduous journey back to my South Africa home. Therefore I have decided to donate the bulk of my fortune to a church or charitable organisation that will utilize this money in the manner which I shall impart to you later. In return for your assistance, I shall authorise you to keep 30% of this fund for your trouble and aggravation plus an additional 10% to cover your expenses.

You should contact my attorney in Cotonou Benin Republic immediately with your address and telephone number and he will give you his full contact information and guidance so that we can make arrangements as soon as possible.

Contact Barrister Nelson E Dominic

Barristers & Solicitors,
Telephone +229 934 217 87
Cotonou, West Africa
Email: bar_nelsondominic@yahoo.com Make sure you change this to your address

Sincerely yours,
Major Greg Boner Moyo,
National Aeronautics and Space Administration
Elysium Veterinary Infirmary
Zhwrong, Mars

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